My Confidence Coaching Case Studies

*the names of all the clients have been changed to protect comfidentiality 

These clients came to me keen to move forward but felt they lacked the confidence and assertiveness to achieve what they knew they were capable of doing.  Here's how coaching worked for them and I'd love the opportunity to do the same for you and help you reach your full potential in all areas of your life. 

As well as these case studies you can read more about how I can coach you to have more confidence here.

Annie Was Afraid To Say No.

Annie was an intelligent successful business woman.  What she wasn’t successful at was  saying “NO” to the demands of her family, partner and friends.

Female office worker saying no, with confidence

Her friends would call her at all hours to share their stories and ask for help with their problems.  Her partner would always expect his needs being put before what she needed or wanted to do.  She felt she had no time to do anything but be there for other people.

The first thing I did with Annie was to help her identify any needs that were driving this behaviour and how she could be sabotaging herself by getting setting herself up in a way that did not serve her.

Without delving too much into her past, Annie realised that one of her driving needs was to please other people.  Her parents had been very demanding and she had decided as a child she had to please them to get their approval affection.  This had become the driving need she felt to please everybody in order to be liked and accepted. 

Breakthrough! Annie realised she was pleasing everybody except herself.

When Annie acknowledged this to herself she knew she had to set  put some boundaries in place around what she would and would not say yes to and how she would allow people to treat her.  

It took her way out of her comfort zone, but she practised not being so available to her friends, even turning off her phone when it was not convenient for her to speak to them or her partner.   

She explained to her demanding son about this need  and where it came from and how it was affecting her and and asked for his support in handling it. 

It's amazing how  often just asking for support rather than getting into conflict when you are trying to establish boundaries can work.

Annie soon became more assertive with her partner and surprise, surprise he actually liked the new assertive Annie.

And yes you guessed it, her friends and her family soon got used to her new behaviour and still liked and approved of her with extra respect.

If lack of confidence or fear of disapproval is holding you back from truly expressing what you need from people at work and at home, through coaching we will get to the bottom of what is driving this behaviour and then I’ll help you develop strategies to confidently change things.

Steven Was His Own Worst Critic And Wanted to Change

Steven didn't know how to go about being more accepting of himself and others.

He lacked the confidence to be happy with who he was and how he operated and was always making himself wrong for the way he dealt with situations and the impatient way he mentally reacted to other people. The self-talk was driving him nuts and he really wanted to stop it.

Sign on a brick wall saying Self Judgement Can Destroy Self Confidence

Steven didn't know how to go about being more accepting of himself and others.

He lacked the confidence to be happy with who he was and how he operated and was always making himself wrong for the way he dealt with situations and the impatient way he mentally reacted to other people. The self-talk was driving him nuts and he really wanted to stop it.

He also found himself being very critical of people who operated in a way that was different from him.  

As a reserved technical person and problem solver who liked to take his time with research. He felt so very out of line with the more spontaneous sales staff in the company who had often had to deal with and who were constantly changing their minds about the things they wanted him to do before he had completed their request. 

The self-talk in his head about this was driving him nuts and he really wanted to stop it.

Steven had been in his job for years and knew his expertise  and  methodical way of operating and problem solving was valued by his manager.   

It was his need to follow through and complete on things that wasn't being met and causing the resentment and mind chatter.

Coaching with Steven was mainly a matter of supporting him to realise that he was OK just as he was and to appreciate the differences in others. 

A tool I used to do this was to get Steven to take the Kolbe™ A Index. This is one of my favourite coaching tools as it helps clients identify their MO (modus operandi) or  natural way of operating. 

More importantly the Kolbe™ A reassures them that no way of operating  it better or worse than any other.  In fact for a successful team you need a balance of different operating styles.
You can read how Kolbe works here. 

Breakthrough!  Steven acknowledged he was OK just as he was and so were others.

It was a huge breakthrough for Steven to recognise his that he had great and much needed qualities in his work team.  He stopped being so critical of himself and others and was therefore much less stressed.

He started "goinging with the flow" more rather than resisting change and even seeing that a change of mind by his sales colleagues could even be regarded as completions in themselves.

He also practised being spontaneous and having days out with his partner that were completely unplanned - a real stretch for someone who likes to know exactly what is going to happen and when.

And as he practised this new acceptance of himself and others life became far more enjoyable and less stressful.  

I spend time with all my clients identifying their core needs (what drives their behaviour) as well as their values.  It's a vital step in identifying the whole picture of you and your career and what will bring you job and personal satisfaction. 

Louise Was Afraid To Speak Up At Work In Case She Looked Stupid.

Louise, an attractive single mother of two was successful in her job as a project manager and wanted to move further up the ladder in her organisation.

But she had one of the most common career confidence issues - a fear that if she spoke up at meetings her suggestions and ideas would be dismissed and she would look silly.  She had made the decision it was best to keep quiet.  

In her relationship she had similar issues.  Recently divorced, she had moved in with a new partner.  She didn't relate to or even like his partners friends and was always wondered what they thought of her.  So again instead of speaking up in conversation, or telling her partner she would rather not accompany him to the numerous gatherings, she went along but kept resentfully quiet.  

Louise's driving need to be liked and approved of was preventing her from having the career and relationship she wanted.

Breakthrough!  Louise Learned That Approval Of Herself Came First

Confidently speaking up at a meeting

She acknowledged the fact that not everybody was going to like her or approve of what she did. But saying nothing at those important meetings was certainly not going to help her aspirations for promotion.  

We worked on developing some phrases to introduce her suggestions in a meeting that would make her feel safer from rejection and at the same time show strength and assertiveness.

She practised this at her next few meeting and to her delight it worked - nobody put her ideas down or shunned her - a huge confidence booster.  It also gave her the courage to apply for the management of a big project - which she got.

This new confidence flowed through to her relationship.  She decided living with her partner and doing what he wanted to do all the time with his friends was not a good idea.  Whilst not ending the relationship completely she moved out into her own home and started establishing her own fearlessly independent life.

The fear of rejection if we speak up can really be a barrier to having life we want.  If this is one of your confidence issues I'd love to work with you to overcome it. 

Looking for help in another area?

Achieving more confidence is just one of the paths my coaching can help you with.  So read more about how I can coach you to move forward in all areas of your life...